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I HAD AN INTERESTING DREAM LAST NIGHT. I was able to fly and was looking at all the sights of the planet. It was fun, but I wasn't very satisfied with the experience. Then as I was attempting to help someone in a seedy part of town, I was captured and injured. As my new master was putting me in a cage, he freed the former resident of the cage to make room for me, who happened to be my wife. I awoke as she was telling me the rules for living in the cage.

I relate this dream to my wife's difficult health throughout our marriage, and how now it is my turn. At the same time, one of the important ideas, while keeping death in mind is to know what is truly important. I also need to keep a good sense of humor and laugh a lot. That is very healing. I feel such gladness and gratitude for the outpouring of love, affection, and support from my friends, as I try to share the lessons I am learning. It's rather overwhelming even as I drink it up as the most valuable healing elixir of shared love. I am a rather mild mannered, introverted type, but inside my emotions can be raging.

At this point, I am feeling a great deal and pray to reciprocate with the kindness, love, and prayers of the devotees. And now, I am getting ready for yet another installment on my healing journey, my next adventure to live in Vrindavan for all around healing—physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual. I am praying to have the right mentality to live in the holy dhama and to "go within, or go without!" I am both excited in my mild way and feeling unsettled at the uncertainty of my trip. Yet, I have my universal feeling that everything always works out. The only question is how, and that is my current mystery!
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Here is my prayer of lamentation and hope:


In my sleeping condition
of endless distractions
I experience the life of others
portraying an adventuresome quest.

On my knees begging to be saved
from merely avoiding truly living—
daydreaming, easy living, avoidance—
not wanting difficult endeavors.

It’s a slow boring torture
to merely maintain the status quo
without leaving my comfort zone
I blame others, not taking responsibility.
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Feeling stagnated, I pray to attract grace
to help create the winds of positive upliftment
and change from the expected, mediocre, ordinary,
into the destiny I was born for, or I’ll die distraught.

I must arise, not in self-aggrandizement,
but in self-sacrifice in service to give to others
in relationship to loving and remembering
the Lords of my heart, the life of my soul.

Thoughts or words are easy, action is difficult
and yet, in actions, our faith and resolve are tested—
so it is better to die in the field, then live on the fence
as we don’t know who we are until we endeavor.

Whether we succeed in a unique direction
is much less important than our attempt to give
along with our intent, motivation and faith,
and who we become in the process of serving.

O Supreme Master, Dear-most Friends in Love and seva,
dear gurus, unseen guides, Vaishnavas and Gauranga-Nitai:

May I be emptied out of whatever holds me back
accepting what is for my highest good and empowerment,
enthused to do what I am meant to do to go to the next level
of giving, loving, and serving, to make my life a lasting success.

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